The Blog that will CHANGE the WORLD

2004-11-09T16:38:00.000-05:00

A DEMON CALLED PROCRASTINATION has made all of the following things happen the night before a final exam/paper deadline :

Once, I was glued to the TV watching a 15 minute Turkey Baster commericial at 3 am to avoid studying for a final.

On several ocassions, I have looked up the bio of every actor/actress known to man and watched upcoming trailers over and over again for hours and hours. I've actually checked the quicktime trailer page several times during the night just in case they added one while I wasnt looking.

At strange hours of the night, I will seriously start planning my entire future-- for instance, I would look up all the classes I wanted to take for the next three years (which requires looking up the ratings for professors) and all the study abroad programs I want to partake in--And this is ofcourse when I have something huge due the next day.

Many times, I've just started to clean my room (something seriously is wrong.)

Even last night, at 2:30 am, I started to sign up for free samples at different websites and entering various sweepstakes- es (what is the plural form of that? isn't it the same?) .. and I had a huge Astronomy Test today!

And I am decidely the worst test taker known to man (well maybe not, but I'm really bad!) When I don't know the answer to a question and I start to doubt myself. I start to read the question over and over again and my palms start to sweat and my heart races and then I panic and freak out and get all spastic and can't think straight on the next question-- it's a very bad chain reaction, really. I seriously come as close to a nervous breakdown as I can get.

But in general I think I did pretty well on my Astro test today. Ta Ta!

2004-10-25T18:46:00.000-04:00

Right. Well, There is no logic to my art class at all.

This is what we have focused on each class:

Week One: Wooden Cubes
Week Two: Cones and Spheres
Week Three: Drapery
Week Four: Real Live, Sneezing Naked Man (No Drapery on the guy!)
Week Five: Naked Man again
Week Six: Naked Man Yet Again
Week Seven: Naked Man. What a Shocker!

Hm.... Seems a bit unbalanced, don't you think? Something is not right here.

The thing is-- Naked man has -- guess what? NO DRAPERY on him so how are we supposed to use the info we learned the past week?

We were supposed to move on to painting scenery like three weeks ago but no, we are stuck in this weird alternate reality where all there is to draw is a naked man named Anthony doing weird baseball stances.

I bet I know that man better than his mother.
This Intro Drawing Class has scarred me for life.

Now when people say to me, "I've had a tough morning," I say, "Try drawing a naked man at 9am in the morning for four weeks straight."

EDIT : 11.04.04

UPDATE ON MY ART CLASS:

Week Eight: Cardboard Boxes
Week Nine: Eager Naked Man with Man Boobs

I'm still very confused.

About the man boobs-- It's really bad because I drew a picture of him but you can't really tell the gender of what I'm drawing. Female... Male.... Hmmm? Yeah. You just can't tell. My drawing has facial hair and boobs.
My art teacher was looking at what I was drawing and this is what she said:

STREG: I think you could work on drawing some things more accurately.
ME: Like what?
STREG: Well Honey, Like right here. His Breasts are protruding a little too much. They look like female breasts.

NAKED MAN BLAKE LOOKS AT ME.

Awkward silence in the room.

2004-08-30T22:54:00.000-04:00

Okay it's been a while.
But have no fear! School is here!-- meaning there is a higher probability that weird things will happen to me/stupid things will bother me. For example:

Today, I was doing my homework in the nice, dry, air-conditioned library and a strange little incident occurred.

Me (thinking): okay how many pages more do I have? Wow--- this library is really nice, dry, and airconditioned! ( and I was thinking exactly that when an old Indian lady comes up to me...)

Strange Lady: Where are the Fortune magazines?

Me: Um I don't know-- the reference desk is right there though--

Strange Lady: What are you studying?

Me: Um Im doing Linguistics homework.

Strange Lady: Oh so you're a people person!

Me: Uh I guess so-- I am an English major and English is part of the Humanities--- which has the word human in it...

Strange Lady: What's your name?

Me: (getting freaked out) uh.... Ann.

Strange Lady: Well Ann, Are you ambitious? Are you going to be satisfied working 40 hours a week in a teeny tiny office-- working like that every day and being paid nothing for it?

Me: Well, I--

Strange Lady: what do you want to do after you graduate?

Me: Maybe Advertising?

Strange Lady: You know my daughter got a degree in Mass Communications and ended up getting a job getting paid $6/hr (of course I was shocked-- i mean, subway even pays better than that!)

Me: Really.....

Strange Lady: I work in a private franchise-- do you know what a private franchise means? It means Residual profits! Profit that expands exponentially! Profit to the nth degree! And Im looking for ambitious people who are not satisfied with making no money -- are you one of those people? are you satisfied with your penniless future?

Me: What? I mean, no...? I guess not?

ANd for the next 30 minutes, she explains to me how her business works and how it's going to change the way people do business and all the while i'm thinking--- "why me? why?"

She really scared me for the first 15 min. cause i thought she was part of a religious cult or something--she propped a chair next to me and took out her little legal pad and started drawing diagrams and seriously i thought to myself " Ann, don't get brainwashed! Focus Ann! Drink some water!" cause I was afraid she was gonna pull something on me--

but then I realized-- she actually thought that I was that ambitious person she was looking for-- and someone who was genuinely interested in joining her business. and then I found out that she used to teach high school--- then it was funny. Man! If I taught high school for over 30 years, I'd go psycho too and approach strangers and talk about this "business" I have too!

I really need to stop doing homework in the business section of the library! it's not safe! And if anyone wants to make profits to the nth degree -- let me know-- Strange Lady gave me her phone number.

2004-04-28T18:45:00.000-04:00

Okay I will start right off.

Number One: THE GILLETTE VENUS DIVINE

I own a nice Gillette Venus Razor. When I got it months ago, I thought I was super cool. It was so nice and pink and kind of translucent. Everyone had one too, so I thought I was being very instyle-- razor-wise. BUT NOW to my horror there is a NEW razor out which is called the Gillette Venus Divine. It is my razor only like UpGraded. Now, I feel so old school with my wimpy pink razor. I want to be Divine.
Anyway what is really funny is what the Venus Divine package says-- in the front it says "INTENSIVE MOISTURE" with a huge water drop picture above it. How can a razor be so moist, I'm asking you? And if it can be moist how can it be so moist that it can be called INTENSIVE? When I think of the word INTENSIVE, I think of an intensive care unit in a hospital where a whole bunch of people have 8th degree burns.
What's even funnier is back of the package where they tell you all the new features of the Venus Divine razor:

-Three INTENSIVE MOISTURE strips ENRICHED with Natural Oils and Aloe-- these strips are like a millimeter wide-- why do they even bother?
-Three NEW Comfort-Coated Blades-- Wow-- these blades are coated with comfort--- wow I guess the people at Gillette have a machine that pump out Comfort-- how can they lose?
-Beautiful NEW Handle with ENHANCED Grip

They make this razor sound as good as a chocolate covered cake.

They also have the features translated in french on the package too. My theory is that they are trying to make it sound really classy and cultural. After all, how can a razor suck if its features are plastered on the package in french? Obviously there is no practical purpose for this french translation for I thought it was common knowledge that French women never shaved.

click here to learn more about this amazing product.

Number Two:THE SHEEP THAT HASN't BEEN SHAVED FOR SEVEN YEARS
Today, I decided that I hade no idea what was going on in the world. I hadn't read the newspaper in a while. The only bit of news that I get are the little newslinks on the Yahoo home page. Anyway so I pick up the remote and turn on the TV.
On the news...
"Next, a two year old is left alone in a van for two hours. Her distressed mother speaks out"

OBVIOUSLY there is nothing meaningful going on in the world. For goodness sake! There's got to be something more newsworthy than that.
BUT THEN, something more newsworthy did...
" Meet a sheep that hasn't been sheared for seven years..."
And then they showed a clip of the sheep and I have to say it was the funniest thing that I've seen in a LONG time. I couldn't tell it was a darn sheep-- It was like the sheep exploded. His wool was like consuming his entire face.
Anyway it was super funny. I wanted to find that picture so I went online to the Boston News Channel website cause I figure they would have it. But instead I found this.

Honestly people-- what has the world come to?

EDIT- April 30
I FOUND A PICTURE OF THE SHEEP! CLICK HERE

2004-04-28T18:36:00.000-04:00

A LITTLE WELCOME DITTY

Welcome to my weblog. I hope you have some fun.
I'm gonna write about things that bother me a ton.
I will also mention somethings that I find strange.
I hope you don't think I'm loony, abnormal, or deranged.